Over the last few weeks, while working on other peoples weddings, I have been thinking back to my own wedding. It seems like a lifetime ago now but I have been reflecting a lot on our special day, what we did right and more importantly wrong.
Compared to now, weddings, even 9 years ago, seemed a lot less complicated than today but as usual I managed to complicate it as much as possible. I was 23, I had never even organised a small party never mind a whole wedding. My husband was away with work for several months when we got engaged and we decided (I decided) that we should get married less than a year later. I had piles of ideas, I booked a venue, I bought a dress and I started making invites. Then my fiancé came home. He didn't like the venue (he was right), he had no idea what my vision for the wedding was and added the complication of him being married before and not wanting everything to be different from his first wedding. He had gotten married in the winter, so we got married in the summer. He got married in a big fancy hotel, we got married in a little church and (after cancelling the venue) our reception at my parents house. I had completely forgotten it was his wedding too. I was an emotional, bridezilla wreck and if I am honest it took a good few years for me to be able to look at the photos and feel joy rather than picking out what was wrong or how tired we were.
The main problem was that I had a very specific idea for what I wanted but I did not communicate it well enough to those around me and so I felt I had to do everything by myself. This would be my first tip for couples:
TIP 1 - DO NOT TRY AND DO EVERYTHING YOURSELF.
Now this is easier said than done, especially on a modest budget. Between me doing all the stationary, organising and logistics, waking up at 5 on the day to make deserts, my future husband landscaping my parents garden, my future brother in law making all of the food, my uncle taking photos and driving the bridesmaids. And finally my poor mother who made dresses, bunting, decorated her home, arranged flowers with my aunty and much more. When it got to us all going to the church we were all absolutely exhausted and my mum still says she really struggled to enjoy the day because she was so tired. 70 plus people were in her house so she couldn't relax. So here are some tips for getting help while still being in control.
TIP 2 - GIVE YOURSELF TIME.
As I mentioned before weddings are so much more complicated than they used to be. When i got married we hadn't heard of save the dates, floral backdrops and personalised everything. You do not need all that stuff. The people who are there are there to see you get married and to share your special day (and if they're not, they probably shouldn't be there). The main thing your guests will remember is having enough food and drink, having a good boogie and how happy you were on the day. They will not remember the selfie area or whether the menus matched the invitations. Also, don't back down on what you want even if it isn't conventional. I remember I really wanted a sweet bar which was unheard of then but no-one else understood it so I just had a tiny sweet section of the deserts. what was the most popular???? THE SWEETY BAR! The sweets ran out really quickly and I was really disappointed that I had backed down. Stand your ground! So here are my final tips.
Compared to now, weddings, even 9 years ago, seemed a lot less complicated than today but as usual I managed to complicate it as much as possible. I was 23, I had never even organised a small party never mind a whole wedding. My husband was away with work for several months when we got engaged and we decided (I decided) that we should get married less than a year later. I had piles of ideas, I booked a venue, I bought a dress and I started making invites. Then my fiancé came home. He didn't like the venue (he was right), he had no idea what my vision for the wedding was and added the complication of him being married before and not wanting everything to be different from his first wedding. He had gotten married in the winter, so we got married in the summer. He got married in a big fancy hotel, we got married in a little church and (after cancelling the venue) our reception at my parents house. I had completely forgotten it was his wedding too. I was an emotional, bridezilla wreck and if I am honest it took a good few years for me to be able to look at the photos and feel joy rather than picking out what was wrong or how tired we were.
The main problem was that I had a very specific idea for what I wanted but I did not communicate it well enough to those around me and so I felt I had to do everything by myself. This would be my first tip for couples:TIP 1 - DO NOT TRY AND DO EVERYTHING YOURSELF.
Now this is easier said than done, especially on a modest budget. Between me doing all the stationary, organising and logistics, waking up at 5 on the day to make deserts, my future husband landscaping my parents garden, my future brother in law making all of the food, my uncle taking photos and driving the bridesmaids. And finally my poor mother who made dresses, bunting, decorated her home, arranged flowers with my aunty and much more. When it got to us all going to the church we were all absolutely exhausted and my mum still says she really struggled to enjoy the day because she was so tired. 70 plus people were in her house so she couldn't relax. So here are some tips for getting help while still being in control.
- Try your best to express your vision for the wedding to those around you and make it clear that even if they don't like or understand it - it is happening and they need to get on board.
- Get family and friends involved but be VERY specific about what you want and check in regularly.
- Book a venue that will help you set up, then more importantly clear up after. If you are having your wedding in a non conventional venue like a field or your parents home like me it is so worth paying for a couple of staff to clear away glasses and food.
TIP 2 - GIVE YOURSELF TIME.
Listen to me - you really need at least a year to plan your wedding. this gives you time to plan and save. We had about 7 months, well 3 months really after my hubby came home from being away. It was a nightmare both to organise and to pay for. I decided in the last 6 weeks that I didn't like my dress so I went and got another, thank goodness it could be altered in time but I had to buy off the peg with very little choice. We could not find a venue that was we loved and was available on the date we wanted, give yourself time to find the right place. it can make all the difference and because there are so many wedding venues now, they are getting more competitive on price. So here are my tips.
- Plan your wedding at least 1 year in advance, this gives you chance to look around at your options and order things like your wedding dress which may take several months to arrive and altered.
- Come up with an accurate budget and plan in how much time you will need to save the money.
- If you are making things, try and have them ready to go on the day, make things as easy as possible e.g.. if you are doing your own flowers use artificial or paper (plug plug) flowers that can be made way in advance ready for the day.
- Give yourself plenty of time on the day, time to prepare and time to enjoy. It really matters.
TIP 3. - FORGET ABOUT KEEPING UP WITH THE JONES (OR THE KARDASHIANS), DO WHAT YOU WANT!
As I mentioned before weddings are so much more complicated than they used to be. When i got married we hadn't heard of save the dates, floral backdrops and personalised everything. You do not need all that stuff. The people who are there are there to see you get married and to share your special day (and if they're not, they probably shouldn't be there). The main thing your guests will remember is having enough food and drink, having a good boogie and how happy you were on the day. They will not remember the selfie area or whether the menus matched the invitations. Also, don't back down on what you want even if it isn't conventional. I remember I really wanted a sweet bar which was unheard of then but no-one else understood it so I just had a tiny sweet section of the deserts. what was the most popular???? THE SWEETY BAR! The sweets ran out really quickly and I was really disappointed that I had backed down. Stand your ground! So here are my final tips.- Do what you want, it's your wedding for you to enjoy not a parade of your wealth and taste.
- Just because your cousin or your mum's best friends son had something doesn't mean you have to.
- Just because the average cost of a wedding is something or the average amount of guests is something else do your own thing and most importantly.
- Your wedding will depend on your budget. Spend wisely and look around for bargains. It is only one day and isn't worth being in dept for the next few years.
So that is my sage wisdom for wedding planning. Basically do what you want, take plenty of time and make it as easy for yourself as possible so you enjoy it.
THANK YOU FOR READING. I'D REALLY LIKE TO HEAR YOUR OPINIONS ON WEDDING PLANNING. WHETHER YOU ARE LOOKING BACK ON IT OR YOU'RE DOING IT NOW I WANT TO HEAR YOUR STORY! PLEASE COMMENT HEAR OR ON MY SOCIAL MEDIA PAGES.
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